so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
