put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she told me i tasted like america
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
