Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
