I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
