My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
