you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As shirtless as possible
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
