help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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