I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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