Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
