i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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