I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
