look no pants
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this must be what syphilis tastes like
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
