new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
