So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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