You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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