I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
