Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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