But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
