look no pants
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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