I wanna bring you to show and tell
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
