We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
