This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
