see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
