I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
