I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
