Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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