He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
