Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
