I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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