Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
