and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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