i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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