so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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