Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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