am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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