Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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