Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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