I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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