The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
