No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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