i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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