i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
