fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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