kristin has been a bad kristin
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize