Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
