the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
