awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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