I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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