I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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