Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
