oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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