Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The air was thick with penises
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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