is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
