Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
