can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize