It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
a search helicopter?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize