genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
