im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
