did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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