I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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