I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
is wine microwaveable?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
