i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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