I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize