he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
